Mother's World's Best Baked Ham Restaurant

Happy Mother's Day, everyone. Too bad you can't have the world's best baked ham.

Stewart's Shelled Beans

A truly disgusting looking food package has a few criteria it needs to attain before being considered for TLD. For our inaugural post, we will use Stewart's Shelled Beans, perhaps the apotheosis of really fucking gross looking canned foodstuffs.

1. IS THIS SOMETHING I, OR ANYONE I KNOW, WOULD EAT OR HAVE EVER EATEN? Beans are good! Magical, even. I admit, though, that I had no idea beans had shells. Or that if you removed these mythical shells, the remaining moist, quivering mass would resemble a plate full of hamster abortions. So: No.

2. WAS THE PHOTO OF THE PRODUCT TAKEN ON A 1970'S MODEL POLAROID? Yes! But at least the photo is centered. And they used plenty of light on their shelled beans.

3. IS THERE AN UGLY LOGO THAT CLASHES WITH EVERYTHING ELSE ON THE LABEL? You know what goes with everything? Plaid. Mass of pink hamster abortions on a blue plate? Only plaid can work, my friends.

Thank you, Stewart's Shelled Beans. THE BAR HAS BEEN SET. We've got plenty more to come, but if you have any insanely disgusting looking food products you want to see featured, send tips to timheaneyis@gmail.com.